During my pregnancy, I experienced so many new things. Of course I did! I had never been pregnant before.
One of the biggest things that still unfortunately stands out in my memory is how so many people rain on other people's pregnancies (without even realizing they are doing it), especially first-time pregnancies! Sure, most people mean well and are just trying to offer helpful (usually unsolicited) advice.
As a first-time mother, a lot of these things were scary and discouraging. I was already anxious and scared out of my mind most of the time. I was going to be responsible for a completely new tiny human being soon. The last thing I needed was any type of negative or discouraging "advice."
You know what the worst part was? A lot of these people weren't even parents themselves! When did anyone start thinking it was ok to give advice on something they have never experienced?!
Now that I have had a chance to try this "Mommy" thing out for myself, I can say that it is not as scary or horrible as some people make it out to be. It is a beautiful wonderful experience that I would not trade for anything.
Here are some things I was told that I can say were absolutely unnecessary, not useful, discouraging, and sometimes just plain rude.
*These are not exact quotes as my Mommy brain cannot remember that far back in precise detail. However, these are all things that were expressed to me during my pregnancy in one way or another.
The pointless advice joke
"You better get all the sleep you can get now, because once you have the baby you'll be lucky to get a straight hour of sleep! HaHaHA!"
Oh, wow! First of all, most expecting parents already expect some sleep deprivation. And guess what? Most Mommies are already experiencing it before the baby even arrives. Try sleeping with a bowling ball sitting on your bladder actually, make that bouncing on your bladder!
What is even the point of saying something like this? It is not helpful. It does not solve a problem. It definitely is not positive or encouraging. Just keep it to yourself. And the laughing, it happened; like they were telling some joke they thought was hilarious.
Note to expecting/new Mommies: Once your beautiful baby is here, yes your sleep schedule is going to change, but it really isn't as bad as some people make it out to be.
Just remember to take it one night at a time and enjoy the bond you are building with your little one. You will cherish it for the rest of your life.
The back-handed compliment
"You look so nice today! But you know once the baby is here you won't have time to shower much less do your makeup and fix your hair."
Huh? I'm sorry, did you just compliment me then magically look into my future? Wow, that's amazing!
Did this come true for me?
Absolutely not!
From day one of welcoming McKenzie into my life, I have been able to shower regularly and wait for it... even do my makeup and fix my hair when I feel like it. Sometimes, I even put some thought into what I'll be wearing!
Note to expecting/new Mommies: Shower, do your makeup, fix your hair, and get dressed up if you want! Even if the only fashion show you put on is for your baby.
If these are things that you want or need to do then you will find time to do them. Believe me, there is time to do these things. It might just take a little extra planning.
Don't let discouraging people make you feel like once you're a Mom all you can wear are stinky pj's and nursing tops with spit-up in your hair.
The truth that came out as an insult
"Your body is never going to be the same again!"
This was one I heard just as much from other Mommies as I did from women who had not yet had children. I think some were expressing their own fear of change during pregnancy.
Why can this statement, although true, come across as an insult?
A lot of times it was said with this voice of warning like, "You might as well lose all hope now!" or an attitude of, "I'm sure glad I'm not in your shoes!" Keep in mind, it's not always the words that are spoken, but how they are expressed that makes all the difference.
Note to expecting/new Mommies: "Your body is never going to be the same again. "This is true and it is something to celebrate not fear.
Your body will forever be stronger! You just grew a human being inside your body. That takes strength and grace that you may not have even known you had.
When you see those stretch marks, it is not a bad thing. It is a beautiful reminder of the closest time spent with this beautiful new life you built!
You're going to have some extra cushioning for a while (not forever). Your body did this to provide the best place for this new life to grow.
So, next time you hear this phrase just smile, because you know what it really means even if the person saying it doesn't.
The opinion that doesn't matter
"Have you got any names picked out?"
"We're thinking of the name _________"
- "Oh."
- "Are you sure?"
- "I knew a boy/girl with that name and they were awful!"
- "Don't name them that! They'll hate you for it!"
- "They are going to get picked on so much!"
- "I know way too many people with that name. You should go with something more unique!"
- "No one is ever going to pronounce that right!"
- "I wouldn't name my child that."
- "Too bad the best name is already taken!" (referring to their own child)
I wasn't told all of these, but I've heard them all before. They are all rude!
Parents put a lot of time and thought into picking a name for their child. I know Lane and I did.
The only opinions that matter are the parents'!
Note to expecting/new Mommies: This is your child and the name you and your spouse choose is the right name.
Do not let another person's opinion of the name affect your decision.
I've actually heard of some parents choosing not to share the name until the baby was born or only sharing it with the closest family and/or friends.
The respectful, nonjudgmental ones.
For some reason people aren't as rude to the face of a cute little baby.
You might even witness these same, rude people cooing the new name affectionately as they take in the cuteness that is your new baby.
When did people become so unwittingly rude and discouraging?
I guess the point I'm trying to make here is the simple, age-old saying, "Think before you speak."
I wish I could say that I had more people give me positive, encouraging, and uplifting advice while I was pregnant but most of it was negative and discouraging in some way. Unfortunately this continues after birth as well.
I only had a couple people tell me how much fun I was going to have being a Mommy.
Nobody told me that my heart would burst with joy at every little accomplishment McKenzie would make.
This is a happiness and love that I never knew I could feel and that is what I want expecting Mommies to look forward to.
Note to anybody that knows an expecting or new Mommy:
Expecting/new Mommies are going to research and read up on all the obstacles they are going to face and all the things that could go wrong.
What they need from the people in their lives are words of encouragement and happiness.
So, please, please, please offer up support and positivity to the next Mommy you see.
If you don't have any, then just keep the negativity to yourself. There's no use in spreading that around.
